Words I Wrote


Canadian Proverbs

Attorney General William Barr Summarizes Famous Broadway Musicals

If Conservatives Talked About Other Issues the Way They Talk About Climate Change

Editorial Notes From Your Twitter Troll

Points in Case

Netflix Categories For Dads

Who Are You Going to Believe: The Man With Everything to Lose or the Woman With Nothing to Gain?

How The Hell Did The Hot Guy Lose? 

Mitt Romney: The President of the United States Has the Responsibility to At Least Pretend to Be a Good Person

The Belladonna Comedy

Quiz: Which of President Trump’s Impeachable Offenses Are You?

Table of Contents For Donald Trump Jr.’s Upcoming Book ‘Triggered’

Daily Itinerary of Me, As Soon As I Reach 10,000 Followers On Twitter

Little Old Lady Comedy 

‘Twas The Day Of The Midterms

I Demand To See The 3,000 Puerto Ricans’ Long Form Death Certificates

The Prosecution’s Complete List Of Paul Manafort’s Jackets

I Don’t Need To Marry A Prince, I Will Also Settle For Someone Who Is Just Rich


Nancy Pelosi Does Not Think That Now Is The Appropriate Time To Proceed With Your Biopsy

Not Not Other Presidents’ Double Negatives

Excerpt from the WhatsApp Conversations of Jared Kushner and the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, Mohammad bin Salman


"5 people having a worse Monday than you" column archive

An Obituary for America (1776-2017)



Teen Girl Bullied for Having Discernable Personality

Woman Submits Online Dating Profile as Creative Writing Sample

Is My Yeast Infection Kosher for Passover?

Friendship Between Sisters Just Relationship of Convenience

In Case I Go Missing, Please Use This Cute Picture for Me on the Flyers

The Best Spring Break Destinations for Your Hepatitis Type

Friendship Between Sisters Just Relationship of Convenience

Talbots Bags to Masturbate Under During "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Is Your 12-Year-Old Daughter Pretty Enough to be Your Alter Ego?

5 Laptop Decals That Make People in the Cafe Want to Talk to You

How to Stay Warm for Winter While Still Giving Off a Slutty Vibe


Columbia Daily Spectator

Highlights from the second-oldest continuously operating college news daily


Life after depression

George Carlin's dream street, according to his comedy

The end of an era: Why we'll miss "Parks and Rec"

Columbia University Wedding Announcements: Tales of love and floorcest

The BeSDT SΘrority DGirls in Pop Culture

Ode to basketball star Alex Rosenberg by a Jewish mother

How many of these Columbia things have you done?

Rap Genius-ing the State of the Union

Spectrum Investigates: Columbia's anonymous social networks

Hooking up with "New Girl"

"Getting Graphic" series: humorously interpreting campus news through charts and graphs



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